The Art of Being Selective: Why I Value Depth Over “Maybes”

The Art of Being Selective: Why I Value Depth Over “Maybes”

In a world that often celebrates quantity over quality, I take a very intentional approach to relationships. I’m highly selective about who I spend time with, and I have no problem being upfront about whether I see a future with someone—and what that future might look like. I know this honesty can be off-putting to some, but for me, it’s essential. When I process emotional information alongside tangible factors like logic, personality, shared interests, and time, I can usually tell within a few hours if I’m interested—whether casually or for something deeper.

I have a deep desire to be fully bonded with someone. I dislike the slow “getting to know you” process because it often feels like wading through a thousand maybes just to find the one that sparks anything meaningful. The frustration is real—dating rarely moves at the pace of someone who processes both heart and logic quickly.

And when I have gone on dates, I’ve noticed something else: the talk of the date versus the reality of the person are often two radically different things. It’s almost as if people become overly agreeable just to avoid rocking the boat, when rocking the boat should be the very point of a date. Why settle for surface-level conversations about favorite colors or number of siblings when we could be asking the hard-hitting questions right from the start? Why waste countless casual encounters on frivolity when the goal is something enduring?

In fact, I’ve begun to think this is why the Hindu tradition of matchmaking, often facilitated by families and matchmakers, has held such resilience in modern times. Their divorce rate is among the lowest in the world—around 0.5%. The system allows people to focus on career and personal development without the fear of never finding a partner. It pairs individuals who might not have chosen each other at first glance but who, in the eyes of those who know them well, are deeply compatible.

This removes the instant rush of “love at first sight,” but that may not be a loss at all. After all, love that sets in rapidly often dissipates just as quickly. But love built on tangible foundations—security, safety, mutual respect, shared values—endures. It may not feel like the fleeting wings of a butterfly, but butterflies only live for a season. Love, when built on depth and trust, is like a river: steady, true to its course, shaping everything it touches. That is the kind of love I seek.

At the end of the day, being selective isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about creating space for the right person to walk in. I believe that when two people are truly aligned, it doesn’t take endless games or drawn-out uncertainty to recognize it. It feels like clarity, like honesty, like home. And that’s the kind of bond I’m holding out for.

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